Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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