she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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