can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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