last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
