Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
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RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
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Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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