My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
