my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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