Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
