I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
