I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Randomize
