I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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