I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
