if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
