im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
