Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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