when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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