Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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