Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
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he fucked my hip out of place.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
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I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
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