another moral hangover. fuck.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
