I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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