The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
3pm strippers are depressing
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
