my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
