It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize