honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
