his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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