She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize