I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
