I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
