Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
