I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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