So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
