fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Did you pee in the oven last night??
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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