Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Randomize