The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
it was like eating out sand paper
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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