My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
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All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
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At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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