I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
