Grow some girl-balls and come out already
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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