I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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