I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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