wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I am available for nakedness
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
