saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
