Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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