he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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