I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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