i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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