dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
