whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
