I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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