YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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