I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
