this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize