you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
