I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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