My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
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