you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize